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The bar graph below shows information the percentage of students from India who took admission in science and law streams in a particular collage of Canada from 2001 to 2005.

The bar graph below shows information the percentage of students from India who took admission in science and law streams in a particular collage of Canada from 2001 to 2005. 7PGqy
The bar graph provide information about the average of Indian students took admission in science and law streams in a different colleges in Canada between 2001 and 2005. The proportion of Indian students took admission in science stood at 30 percent in 2001 as against 25 percent in 2002. While, it is rose to 50 percent in 2003. The percentage of Indian students took admission in science 45 percent and 10 percent in 2005, respectively. Starting at 20 percent in 2001, 35 percent in 2002 and the proportion of Indian students tooked admission in law stream 40 percent in 2005. The percentage of Indian students took admission was displayed stable trend from 2003 to 2004. Overall, The average of Indian students took admission in science show highest trend in 2003 and similar trend show in law stream from 2003 to 2004.
The bar graph provide information about the average of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and law streams in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "college"?
colleges
in Canada between 2001 and 2005. The proportion of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
stood at 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2001 as against 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2002.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, it is rose to 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2003. The percentage of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2005,
respectively
. Starting at 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2001, 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2002 and the proportion of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake found.
tooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in law stream 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2005. The percentage of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
was displayed
stable trend from 2003 to 2004.
Overall
, The average of Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
trend in 2003 and similar trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in law stream from 2003 to 2004.
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IELTS academic The bar graph below shows information the percentage of students from India who took admission in science and law streams in a particular collage of Canada from 2001 to 2005.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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