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The bar graph below show the global sale of top mobile phone brands between the year 2009 and 2013

The bar graph below show the global sale of top mobile phone brands between the year 2009 and 2013 NMGJ0
The horizontal bar graph delineates the information about top mobile companies worldwide sale of mobile phones in a half decade. Overall, it is apperant that although the variation can be seen over a span in different mobile brand. Yet, the Samsung sale was huge in the last year. However, the apple ale least in the beginning year. Accordingly, in the year 2009 the Samsung sold almost 220 millions but, the apple sold least around 30 millions. On the other hand, the Nokia sale was high compared to others in same year around 450 millions and other brands like LG and ZTE sale 50 to 100 millions. Meanwhile, the worldwide sale of Samsung was increased in the year 2011, about 100 millions. The apple and ZTE also boom their sale. however, Nokia was started declined in the year 2011, around 3-4 millions
The horizontal bar graph delineates the information about top mobile
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companies
worldwide
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sale
of mobile phones in a half decade.

Overall
, it is
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apperant
that although the variation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
over a span in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mobile brand.
Yet
, the Samsung
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sale
was huge in the last
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year
.
However
, the apple ale least in the beginning year.

Accordingly
, in the
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year
2009 the Samsung sold almost 220
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millions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the apple sold least around 30
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millions
.
On the other hand
, the Nokia
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sale
was high compared to others in same
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year
around 450
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millions
and other brands like LG and
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ZTE
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sale
50 to 100
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millions
. Meanwhile, the worldwide
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sale
of Samsung
was increased
in the
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year
2011, about 100
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millions
. The apple and
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ZTE
also
boom their
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sale
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, Nokia was
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started
declined in the
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year
2011, around 3-4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
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IELTS academic The bar graph below show the global sale of top mobile phone brands between the year 2009 and 2013

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
140 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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