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The bar diagram and plain column show information of Japan's populace in patterns of past, present, future.

The bar diagram and plain column show information of Japan's populace in patterns of past, present, future. 2lJwj
The bar diagram and plain column show information of Japan's populace in patterns of past, present, future. It is obvious from the diagram that, they are a steady ascent in years from 1995 to 2001. The population of Japan started with about 84. 1 million people. However, in this count population aged over 65 years where about 4. 1millions of people with a percentage of 4. 9% in overall people. In the year 2005, japan consists of a population of 127. 8millions of people. Also, individuals matured 65 years are 25. 7millions with 20% of the populace. Besides, it can be seen a decrease in Japan's population in 2015. Japan will an intense decrease in populace with 110millions whereas individuals matured 65 years were around 37. 2millions. the matured individuals from 2005 with 34% population In the year 2055, they will a decrement in population around 89. 9 million people in which, people with 65 years old were with a count of 36. 5 with 41% of the overall population
The bar diagram and plain column
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
information of Japan's populace in patterns of past, present, future.

It is obvious from the diagram that, they are a steady ascent in years from 1995 to 2001. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with about 84. 1
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million
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people
.
However
, in this count
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
aged over 65
It is better to use 'years' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "years when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
years where
about 4.
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1millions
of
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people
with a percentage of 4. 9% in
overall
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people
. In the
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year
2005, japan consists of a
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population
of 127.
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8millions
of
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people
.
Also
, individuals matured 65 years are 25.
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7millions
with 20% of the populace.

Besides
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a decrease in Japan's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in 2015. Japan will an intense decrease in populace with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
110millions
whereas individuals matured 65 years were around 37.
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2millions
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
matured individuals from 2005 with 34%
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population
In the
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year
2055, they will a decrement in
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population
around 89. 9
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with 65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
were with a count of 36. 5 with 41% of the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
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IELTS academic The bar diagram and plain column show information of Japan's populace in patterns of past, present, future.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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