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The bar chats show that children in usa had different activities to perform by two sexes

The bar chats show that children in usa had different activities to perform by two sexes jRk9a
The proportion of 6 variety of things performed by two genders of a school in USA East pics by the bar graph. To commence with, the preference to reading give by boys and girls was the higher girls with the figure of 27 % while invoice it was almost negligible. Both of genders use computer for games with the difference of our most half percent that was 16 and 34 in girls and boys respectively. Furthermore, listening to music had exactly same in both sexes that was one in ten in figure. Moving towards the further information, boys preferred to play soccer basketball and skateboarding with percentile of 17, 11 and 26 respectively that was almost absent in the case of girls. Istead of it, girls was interested in gymnastics, netball and dancing with 11, 15 and 27 in the proportion. Overall, it is crystal clear that boys had majority in computer gaming whilst girls prefer dancing above all.
The proportion of 6 variety of things performed by two genders of a school in USA East pics by the bar graph. To commence with, the preference to reading give by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
was the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
with the figure of 27 % while invoice it was almost negligible. Both of genders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer for games with the difference of our most half percent that was 16 and 34 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
respectively
.
Furthermore
, listening to music had exactly same in both sexes that was one in ten in figure. Moving towards the
further
information,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
preferred to play soccer basketball and skateboarding with percentile of 17, 11 and 26
respectively
that was almost absent in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Istead
of it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
was interested
in gymnastics, netball and dancing with 11, 15 and 27 in the proportion.
Overall
, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
had majority in computer gaming whilst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
prefer dancing
above all
.

IELTS academic The bar chats show that children in usa had different activities to perform by two sexes

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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