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The bar charts were created to illustrate a connection between a death rate and expenditures of government on medical research of six distinct fatal diseases.

The bar charts were created to illustrate a connection between a death rate and expenditures of government on medical research of six distinct fatal diseases. PLykp
The two bar graphs give information about death rates ( millions ) and Medical Research ending ( millions ) in Someland to 1990. Overall, Oy can be seen population of deaths rates and Medical Research of economic income by six differents disaes examined. ( AIDS, Leprosy, Tropical Diseases, Diarrhoea, Malaria, TB. ) According to first bar chart, was the most of rates deaths TB in the Someland while, Second bar chart shows medical research of economic gained with AIDS. In the year 1990, the most number of death people TB about 1. 800. 000. Followed by, Diarrhoea with 0. 5 millions, Malaria about 450. 000, Tropical Diseases around 300. 000, AIDS aproximately 200. 000 and Leprosy roughly 100. 000, respectively. In comparison, accompanied bar graph was the highest deaths TB althought, was the most of gained medical research of funding AIDS with around 180 millions. Secondly, Leprosy and Tropical Diseases about 80 millions. After that Diarrhoea aproximately 60 millions, Malaria with 50 millions, respectively. Lastlt, TB roughly 25 millions. In conclusion, AIDS disease number of deaths people mire than fewer TB, aconomically eicher hospital and pharmacy or another healt opportunities very expensive.
The two bar graphs give information about death rates
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(
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millions
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)
and
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Medical
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Research
ending
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(
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millions
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)
in
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Someland
to 1990.
Overall
,
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Oy
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
population of deaths rates and
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Medical
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Research
of economic income by six
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differents
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disaes
examined.
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(
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AIDS
, Leprosy, Tropical
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Diseases
,
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Diarrhoea
, Malaria, TB.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
According to
first
bar chart, was the most of rates deaths TB in the
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Someland
while, Second bar chart
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shows
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medical
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research
of economic gained with
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AIDS
. In the year 1990, the most number of death
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
TB about 1. 800. 000. Followed by,
Possible spelling mistake. 'Diarrhoea' is British English.
Diarrhoea
with 0. 5
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millions
, Malaria about 450. 000, Tropical
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Diseases
around 300. 000,
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AIDS
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aproximately
200.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
and Leprosy roughly 100.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
,
respectively
.
In comparison
, accompanied bar graph was the highest deaths TB
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althought
, was the most of gained
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medical
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research
of funding
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AIDS
with around 180
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millions
.
Secondly
, Leprosy and Tropical
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Diseases
about 80
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millions
. After that
Possible spelling mistake. 'Diarrhoea' is British English.
Diarrhoea
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aproximately
60
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millions
, Malaria with 50
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millions
,
respectively
.
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Lastlt
, TB roughly 25
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millions
.
In conclusion
,
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AIDS
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disease
number of deaths
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people
mire than fewer TB,
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aconomically
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eicher
hospital and pharmacy or another
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healt
opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
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IELTS academic The bar charts were created to illustrate a connection between a death rate and expenditures of government on medical research of six distinct fatal diseases.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
192 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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