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The bar charts explain various destinations of UK graduates and postgraduates other than did full time job in 2008.

The bar charts explain various destinations of UK graduates and postgraduates other than did full time job in 2008. JKmMa
The bar charts explain various destinations of UK graduates and postgraduates other than did full time job in 2008. After UK students graduated from university, in exclusion of full-time employment, mostly they continued their study. The number almost hit thirty thousand, which accounted for 29, 655. It was continue with the part-time for 17, 735 and unemployment for 16, 235. The lowest portion was voluntary work, counted for 3, 500. Similarly, the postgraduates also had the same type of destination from the biggest to the smallest numbers. The amount of people who went for further study was estimatedly 2, 725 whilst the scholars who became a volunteer was 345. In addition, the non full time work calculated for 2, 535 and who hadn’t get a job for about 1, 625. From the graphs, we can conclude that both graduates and postgraduates students had the similar pattern of activities they had after they are graduated from educational institution.
The bar charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
various destinations of UK graduates and postgraduates other than did full time job in 2008.

After UK students graduated from university, in exclusion of full-time employment,
mostly
they continued their study. The number almost hit thirty thousand, which accounted for 29, 655. It was
Consider using a past participle here: "continued".
continue
with the part-time for 17, 735 and unemployment for 16, 235. The lowest portion was voluntary work, counted for 3, 500.

Similarly
, the postgraduates
also
had the same type of destination from the biggest to the smallest numbers. The amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who went for
further
study was
Possible spelling mistake found.
estimatedly
2, 725 whilst the scholars who became a volunteer was 345.
In addition
, the
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non full
time work calculated for 2, 535 and who hadn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job for about 1, 625.

From the graphs, we can conclude that both graduates and postgraduates students had the similar pattern of activities they had after they
are graduated
from educational institution.
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IELTS academic The bar charts explain various destinations of UK graduates and postgraduates other than did full time job in 2008.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
157 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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