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the bar chart shows the result of a survey conducted

the bar chart shows the result of a survey conducted Do7JW
This chart provides information about the percentage of the results of a surveyed-participants organized by a big company personnel management on two different age groups and factors which influenced on their work performance. As illustrated by the bar chart, the group of 18-30 is affected by various factors investigated, with a chance for personal development, relaxed working environment, and promotion prospects which are more impacting. For competent boss and respect from colleagues, these exhibited the employees from 45 to 60 being more influenced than the younger age. It is clear from the chart that the figure for the young age revealed a double compared to the older people in terms of job security (40% for the young age and 20% for older people). The percentages of the chance for personal development and promotion prospects are 90% and 80% respectively of the younger group while only under 50% of the older age chose. Similarly, the 18-30 group showed in the relaxed working environment (80%) was over double that of the older people (30%). Based on their evaluation of factors contributing to make their working environment, both age groups voted for team spirit and work environment with the same percentage; 60% and 30% respectively. While other factors such as competent boss and job satisfaction had nearly the same influence on workers’ presentation at around 50% for both groups. The proportion of the 45-60 age on the respect from colleagues accounted for approximately 45% while the figure for the younger age made up 40%.
This chart provides information about the percentage of the results of a surveyed-participants organized by a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
personnel management on two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which influenced on their work performance.

As illustrated by the bar chart, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 18-30 is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
investigated, with a chance for personal development, relaxed working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, and promotion prospects which are more impacting. For competent boss and respect from colleagues, these exhibited the employees from 45 to 60 being more influenced than the younger age.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the chart that the figure for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
revealed a double compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in terms of job security (40% for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and 20% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
). The percentages of the chance for personal development and promotion prospects are 90% and 80%
respectively
of the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
under 50% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
chose.
Similarly
, the 18-30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in the relaxed working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
(80%) was over double that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
(30%).

Based on their evaluation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
contributing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
voted for team spirit and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
with the same percentage; 60% and 30%
respectively
. While other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
such as competent boss and job satisfaction had
nearly
the same influence on workers’ presentation at around 50% for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. The proportion of the 45-60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
on the respect from colleagues accounted for approximately 45% while the figure for the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
made up 40%.
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IELTS academic the bar chart shows the result of a survey conducted

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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