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THE BAR CHART SHOWS THE PERCENTAGE OF BUSINESSES IN THE UK WHO HAD A SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE FROM 2012 TO 2016.

THE BAR CHART SHOWS THE PERCENTAGE OF BUSINESSES IN THE UK WHO HAD A SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE FROM 2012 TO 2016. KyB83
THE LINE GRAPH ILLUSTRATES THE INFORMATION ABOUT HOW MUCH AVERAGE OF THREE BUSINESSES IN THE UK HAD A SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE OVER A PERIOD OF 5 YEARS. OVERALL, IT IS MANIFEST FROM THE LINE GRAPH THAT THE RATIO OF LARGE BUSINESSES WAS THE HIGHEST AMONG OTHER BUSINESSES, WHEREAS THE RATIO OF SMALL BUSINESSES WAS THE LOWEST THROUGHOUT THE GIVEN PERIOD. INITIATING AT 30% IN 2012 AND INCREASED TO 47% IN 2013, THE PERCENTAGE OF MEDIA BUSINESSES HAD SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE IN UK VERY SLOWLY GROW BY 48% IN 2014. HOWEVER, ONLY 28% IN 2012 AND SLIGHTLY RISE TO 30% IN 2013, THE PROPORTION OF SMALL BUSINESSES HAD SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE SOAR BY 35% IN 2014. MOREOVER, 78% HIGH RATIO IN 2012 AND SAME AVERAGE IN 2013, WHILE THE QUANTITY OF LARGE BUSINESSES HAD SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE SLIGHTLY DECREASED BY 77% IN 2014. LAST YEAR IN 2016, THE NUMBER OF SMALL BUSINESSES HAD SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE ELEVATION BY 48%. HENCE, THE NUMERAL OF MEDIUM BUSINESSES HAD SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE WAS EXPAND. SO THAT THE 52% MEDIUM BUSINESSES HAD SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE IN 2016. NONETHELESS, THE DIGIT OF LARGE BUSINESSES HAD SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE WAS EXTREMELY RISE. THAT'S WHY THE 78% LARGE BUSINESSES HAD A SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE.
THE LINE GRAPH ILLUSTRATES THE INFORMATION ABOUT HOW MUCH AVERAGE OF THREE
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BUSINESSES
IN THE UK HAD A
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SOCIAL
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MEDIA
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PRESENCE
OVER A PERIOD OF 5 YEARS.
OVERALL
, IT IS MANIFEST FROM THE LINE GRAPH THAT THE RATIO OF
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LARGE
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BUSINESSES
WAS THE HIGHEST AMONG OTHER
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BUSINESSES
, WHEREAS THE RATIO OF
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SMALL
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BUSINESSES
WAS THE LOWEST THROUGHOUT THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GIVEN
PERIOD. INITIATING AT 30% IN 2012 AND INCREASED TO 47% IN 2013, THE PERCENTAGE OF
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MEDIA
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BUSINESSES
HAD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
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PRESENCE
IN UK
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
VERY
SLOWLY
GROW BY 48% IN 2014.
HOWEVER
,
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ONLY
28% IN 2012 AND
SLIGHTLY
RISE TO 30% IN 2013, THE PROPORTION OF
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SMALL
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BUSINESSES
HAD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PRESENCE
SOAR BY 35% IN 2014.
MOREOVER
, 78% HIGH RATIO IN 2012 AND SAME AVERAGE IN 2013, WHILE THE QUANTITY OF
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LARGE
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BUSINESSES
HAD
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SOCIAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PRESENCE
SLIGHTLY
DECREASED BY 77% IN 2014. LAST YEAR IN 2016, THE NUMBER OF
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SMALL
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BUSINESSES
HAD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SOCIAL
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MEDIA
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PRESENCE
ELEVATION BY 48%.
HENCE
, THE NUMERAL OF MEDIUM
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BUSINESSES
HAD
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SOCIAL
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MEDIA
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PRESENCE
WAS
Consider using a past participle here: "expanded".
EXPAND
.
“SO THAT” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
SO THAT
THE 52% MEDIUM
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BUSINESSES
HAD
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SOCIAL
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MEDIA
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PRESENCE
IN 2016. NONETHELESS, THE DIGIT OF
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LARGE
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BUSINESSES
HAD
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SOCIAL
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MEDIA
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PRESENCE
WAS
EXTREMELY
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
RISE
. THAT'S WHY THE 78%
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LARGE
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BUSINESSES
HAD A
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SOCIAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PRESENCE
.
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IELTS academic THE BAR CHART SHOWS THE PERCENTAGE OF BUSINESSES IN THE UK WHO HAD A SOCIAL MEDIA PRESENCE FROM 2012 TO 2016.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
206 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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