Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The graphs illustrate the trends of electronic gaming in South Korea in 2006.

The graphs illustrate the trends of electronic gaming in South Korea in 2006. 7LRqY
The graphs illustrate the trends of electronic gaming in South Korea in 2006. In overall, it's clear that most of gamers were males and the most popular type was Role Playing Games, while just a few people interesting in playing game after 30 years old. Firstly, the group of 20 - 29 years old took a significant portion in the total of people played game in 2006, the percentage of adolescent gamers (13 - 19 years old) and teenagers (less than 12 years old) were quite left behind with less than 20%, the least belonged to adult group (more than 30 years old) with less than 11%. Additionally, most of gamers were males and at any age groups, they were mostly double the number of female gamers. Additionally, it was interested to see that Role Playing games were the most popular and overwhelming any other type of games. The combination of Action and Strategy/Turn. . . which were in the second and third place, can't even touch the top 1. Simulation was only be played by around 10% and the Other was just occupied an insignificant number of gamers.
The graphs illustrate the trends of electronic gaming in South Korea in 2006.

In
overall
, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the gamers") or simply say "most gamers".
most of gamers
were males and the most popular type was Role Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
interesting in playing game after 30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

Firstly
, the group of
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
20 - 29
years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
took a significant portion in the total of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
played game in 2006, the percentage of adolescent gamers (
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
13 - 19
years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old)
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
(less than 12 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old)
were quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind with less than 20%, the least belonged to adult group (more than 30 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old)
with less than 11%.

Additionally
,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the gamers") or simply say "most gamers".
most of gamers
were males and at any age groups, they were
mostly
double the number of female gamers.
Two successive sentences begin with the same adverb. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
Additionally
, it
was interested
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that Role Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
were the most popular and overwhelming any other type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The combination of Action and Strategy/Turn.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
were in the second and third place, can't even touch the top 1. Simulation was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be played
by around 10% and the Other was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
occupied an insignificant number of gamers.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic The graphs illustrate the trends of electronic gaming in South Korea in 2006.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6.5band
    chart of comparison of number of tourists traveling island.
    The chart shows the mass of tourists travelled to a Caribbean island for eight years from 2010 to 2017. The data is calculated in millions. The statistics is provided for three categories. The first one is the number of tourists staying on the cruise ship. The number in this category 0. 25 millions...
  • 5.5band
    The two pie charts compare the Television viewing habits of 18 to 25 year old Canadians over the course of 10 years from 2009 to 2019.
    The two pie charts compare the Television viewing habits of 18 to 25 year old Canadians over the course of 10 years from 2009 to 2019. Overall, it’s clear that there was a significant change in the TV viewing platform, with viewers preferring Flat-screen over conventional TV. Another noteworthy tre...
  • 6band
    the sales outcomes in the years of 1999 and 2004, regarding Fairtrade products of coffee and bananas among the five general countries in Europe
    The given tables clearly present and compare the sales outcomes in the years of 1999 and 2004, regarding Fairtrade products of coffee and bananas among the five general countries in Europe. The periods marked with currency units, across the top of the tables, are analyzed in relation to each country...
  • 6.5band
    The chart below show the percentafe of water used
    The given pie charts display the information about three different ways of using water in North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia, and South East Asia. Informed in percentage. By comparing in purposes which are use for industrial, farm, and inland in 6 areas. In Africa, Central A...
  • 6band
    Calculate heating and durable goods
    The graph illustrates the importance for electric power in the UK during the normal days in cold and hot days, while the pie chart delineat how electric energy is utilise in an average Britainia's house. Overall, it can be observed that in winter, electricity is used in greater units as compare to ...
  • 6.5band
    Canadian Donors 2000 and 2015
    The present chart presents the different levels of donation amidst people of different ages in Canada. The rate of donors amidst the population aged 25 to 34 also decreased from 29% to 25%, but what happened before this happened? First of all, the proportion of Canadians that made charitable donati...





Get more results for topic:
  • The graphs illustrate the trends of electronic gaming in South Korea in 2006.