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chart of comparison of number of tourists traveling island.

chart of comparison of number of tourists traveling island. GJkEw
The chart shows the mass of tourists travelled to a Caribbean island for eight years from 2010 to 2017. The data is calculated in millions. The statistics is provided for three categories. The first one is the number of tourists staying on the cruise ship. The number in this category 0. 25 millions in 2010 and it raised to 0. 5 millions in 2011. It again declined to 0. 25 millions in 2012 but in succeeding years till 2017 the count spontaneously increased to 2 millions. The second type is mass of travelers staying on island. In this, for the years 2010 and 2011, 0. 75 million sightseers stayed in the island. The number increased from 1. 20 million in 2012 to 1. 5 million in 2013, and it remained constant till 2015. Later, it decreased a little and again increased to 1. 5 million in 2017. The last category is the total of the first two type. From 2010 to 2015, the total slowly increased from 1 million to 2. 7 million. Then, it declined negligibly and rose to 3. 5 million in 2017.
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the mass of tourists travelled to a Caribbean island for eight years from 2010 to 2017. The data
is calculated
in millions.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
statistics
is provided
for three categories.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
first
one is the number of tourists staying on the cruise ship.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
number in this category 0. 25
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millions
in 2010 and it raised to 0. 5
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millions
in 2011. It again declined to 0. 25
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millions
in 2012
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in succeeding years till 2017 the count
spontaneously
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increased
to 2 millions.

The second type is mass of travelers staying on island. In this, for the years 2010 and 2011, 0. 75
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million
sightseers stayed
The usual preposition for "island" is "on" not "in". Revise: "on the island".
in the island
. The number
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increased
from 1. 20
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million
in 2012 to 1. 5
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million
in 2013, and it remained constant till 2015. Later, it decreased a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
and again
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increased
to 1. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2017.

The last category is the total of the
first
two type. From 2010 to 2015, the total
slowly
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increased
from 1
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million
to 2. 7
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million
. Then, it declined
negligibly
and rose to 3. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2017.
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IELTS academic chart of comparison of number of tourists traveling island.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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