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The pie chart illustrates the proportion of millionaires in the US by their career.

The pie chart illustrates the proportion of millionaires in the US by their career. BgE3j
Overall it’s apparent that businessmen constitute the majority of millionaires in the USA whereas politicians take up the least. It’s also worth noticing that entertainers and sportsmen also contribute a sizable proportion of wealthy Americans. First off, businessmen account for about two-thirds of US’s millionaires whereas only a small minority of politicians (4%) became millionaires. Next, the second largest group of professions for millionaires is the Entertainment, totaling almost half of the businessmen group, with 15% of TV and Film entertainers becoming wealthy. This is followed closely by the music industry, which has produced one in ten of America’s millionaires. Oppositely, sportspeople contribute to only 5% of US’s millionaires, which is five times lower than other sectors of Entertainment combined. Finally, only 2% of America’s millionaires became wealthy for other reason
Overall
it’s apparent that businessmen constitute the majority of millionaires in the USA whereas politicians take up the least. It’s
also
worth noticing that entertainers and sportsmen
also
contribute a sizable proportion of wealthy Americans.

First
off, businessmen account for about two-thirds of US’s millionaires whereas
only
a
small
minority of politicians (4%) became millionaires.

Next
, the second largest group of professions for millionaires is the Entertainment, totaling almost half of the businessmen group, with 15% of TV and Film entertainers becoming wealthy. This
is followed
closely
by the music industry, which has produced one in ten of America’s millionaires.
Oppositely
, sportspeople contribute to
only
5% of US’s millionaires, which is five times lower than other sectors of Entertainment combined.

Finally
,
only
2% of America’s millionaires became wealthy for other reason
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IELTS academic The pie chart illustrates the proportion of millionaires in the US by their career.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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