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The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women working hours per week.

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women working hours per week. DwDWA
The bar graph gives information regarding how many hours males and females worked in Australia in the year 2010. Overall, it can be clearly seen that the majority of males aged15 to 24 participated more physical activities than females in the same category. However, the highest percentage of women aged 45 to 54 was more physically active than men in the research period. Looking at the chart in more detail, the highest proportion of men did physical activities in 15 to 20 for each group, which accounted for 52. 8 per cent. By contrast, women ages 45 to 54 worked in more job than other age groups, which stood at 53. 3%. Turning to the other age groups, females were dominant amounting to 48. 9 per cent in 25 to 34 ages and this figure experienced an upward trend, at 52. 5 per cent among 35 to 44 ages. The percentage of males working hours declined to 44. 2% in 25 to 34 ages and showed an increase in the rest three age groups (44 to 54, 55 to 64 and over 65) which accounted for 43. 1% 45. 1% and 46. 7% respectively.
The bar graph gives information regarding how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours males and females worked in Australia in the year 2010.

Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the majority of males aged15 to 24 participated more physical activities than females in the same category.
However
, the highest percentage of women aged 45 to 54 was more
physically
active than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in the research period.

Looking at the chart in more detail, the highest proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
did physical activities in 15 to 20 for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, which accounted for 52. 8 per cent. By contrast, women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
45 to 54 worked in more job than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, which stood at 53. 3%.

Turning to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, females were dominant amounting to 48. 9 per cent in 25 to 34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
and this figure experienced an upward trend, at 52. 5 per cent among 35 to 44
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. The percentage of males working hours declined to 44. 2% in 25 to 34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an increase in the rest three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
(44 to 54, 55 to 64 and over 65) which accounted for 43. 1% 45. 1% and 46. 7%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women working hours per week.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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