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The bar chart shows the percentage of adults who were overweight or obese

The bar chart shows the percentage of adults who were overweight or obese peBQy
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of adults who were overweight or obese( too fat or too much fat) in one country from 1965 to 2015, while the pie chart shows information about the proportion of adults who were overweight, obese or severely obese in 2015. It is clear that the percentage of adults who are overweight or obese is increased gradually and in the year 2015, the proportion of overweight adult population was the highest at 70% during the research period. According to the bar chart, from 1965 to 1985, the percentage of obese adults was stay constant about. There is a significant change between 1958 and 1995, increased about 10% from approximately 49% to 59%. Moreover, it was rised rapidly until 2015 and reached a new peak at 70%. The pie chart shows us the detail about weight range of adult population in 2015. The percentage of obese adult was the highest, accounting for 34% followed by 31% of overweight adults. Especially, there are 6% of adult population who was severely obese and dangerously fat and only 29% of healthy or underweight adult.
The bar
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chart
illustrates the
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percentage
of
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adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
or obese
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
or too much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
) in one country from 1965 to 2015, while the pie
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chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
information about the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
or
severely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
in 2015.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
is increased
gradually
and in the year 2015, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
adult population was the highest at 70% during the research period.

According to the bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, from 1965 to 1985, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
was stay constant about. There is a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
between 1958 and 1995, increased about 10% from approximately 49% to 59%.
Moreover
, it was
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
rapidly
until 2015 and reached a new peak at 70%.

The pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us the detail about weight range of adult population in 2015. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
adult was the highest, accounting for 34% followed by 31% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
Especially
, there are 6% of adult population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was
severely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
and
dangerously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
29% of healthy or underweight adult.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the percentage of adults who were overweight or obese

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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