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The bar chart shows the number of cars per 1000 people in 5 country in europe over 3 years 2005, 2009,2015. Compared with the european average

The bar chart shows the number of cars per 1000 people in 5 country in europe over 3 years 2005, 2009, 2015. Compared with the european average Mql0o
The bar chart reveals statistics about how many cars used per 1000 people by 5 different nations in 3 years 2005, 2009, 2015 and the average of those in Europe. Overall, not only did the figures for people using cars of 5 countries on average show an upward trend, but the dramatic highest in the statistics for these were recorded in country 5 as well. The figures for the car produced to purchased on the Europe’s market in country 5 were highest and made up nearly 910, 890, 990 people in 3 years 2005, 2009, 2015 respectively. By contrast, the number of cars in country 3 accounted for 650 people in 2005 before seeing a decrease of approximately from 50 to 90 people in 2009 and 2015. Just over 300 people of country 1 used cars in 2005 following by a significant growth to exact 400 people before recovering back to initial data in 2015, similar to the changes of country 2. There was some of ups and downs in 4 countries, as opposed to the stagnation of the fourth country in whole 3 years.
The bar chart reveals statistics about how
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many
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cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
per 1000
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people
by 5
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different
nations in 3 years 2005, 2009, 2015 and the average of those in Europe.

Overall
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did the figures for
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people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
of 5
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countries
on average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an upward trend,
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but
the dramatic highest in the statistics for these
were recorded
in
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country
5
as well
.

The figures for the
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car
produced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
on the Europe’s market in
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country
5 were highest and made up
nearly
910, 890, 990
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people
in 3 years 2005, 2009, 2015
respectively
. By contrast, the number of
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cars
in
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country
3 accounted for 650
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people
in 2005
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before
seeing a decrease of approximately from 50 to 90
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people
in 2009 and 2015.

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Just
over 300
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people
of
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country
1
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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cars
in 2005 following by a significant growth to exact 400
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people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
recovering back to initial data in 2015, similar to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
2. There was
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the ups") or simply say "some ups".
some of ups
and downs in 4
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countries
, as opposed to the stagnation of the fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in whole 3 years.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the number of cars per 1000 people in 5 country in europe over 3 years 2005, 2009, 2015. Compared with the european average

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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