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The bar chart shows the employment rate of males and females in South Africa, Chile, Finland, Norway

The bar chart shows the employment rate of males and females in South Africa, Chile, Finland, Norway wMYqd
The given bar chart shows the employment rate of males and females in South Africa, Chile, Finland and Norway in 2002. In general, the employment rate of males in all four countries is higher than the rate of females. The rate of men and women in Finland and Norway is almost the same. However, in South Africa, the rate of these two genders is slightly different and there is a big gap in Chile. Specifically, in comparison of the employment rate of males in all four countries, the bar graph shows that Norway has the highest employment rate, which is about 80% then following that is the rate in Chile and Finland which are almost similar to 70% and South Africa has the lowest employment rate of male. On the other hand, in terms of comparing the female employment rate, Norway is the country that not only has the highest employment rate of males but also the rate of females. Moreover, South Africa still stands in the last position, Finland is the second and Chile is the third one. To sum up, the employment rate of males and females in four countries in 2002 are almost different from others. Only, Finland and Chila both have a similar male employment rate.
The
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given
bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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employment
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rate
of
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males
and
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females
in South Africa, Chile, Finland and Norway in 2002.

In general
, the
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employment
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rate
of
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males
in all four
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countries
is higher than the
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rate
of
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females
. The
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rate
of
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men
and women in Finland and Norway is almost the same.
However
, in South Africa, the
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rate
of these two genders is
slightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and there is a
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big
gap in Chile.

Specifically
,
in comparison
of the
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employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
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males
in all four
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countries
, the bar graph
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shows
that Norway has the highest
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employment
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rate
, which is about 80% then following
that is
the
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rate
in Chile and Finland which are almost similar to 70% and South Africa has the lowest
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employment
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rate
of male.
On the other hand
, in terms of comparing the
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female
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employment
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rate
, Norway is the
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country
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has the highest
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employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
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males
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but
also
the
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rate
of
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females
.
Moreover
, South Africa
still
stands in the last position, Finland is the second and Chile is the third one.

To sum up, the
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employment
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rate
of
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males
and
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females
in four
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countries
in 2002 are almost
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different
from others.
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Only
, Finland and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chila
both have a similar male
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employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.

IELTS academic The bar chart shows the employment rate of males and females in South Africa, Chile, Finland, Norway

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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