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The bar chart showing Australian men and women's physical activity in year 2010.

The bar chart showing Australian men and women's physical activity in year 2010. aED1Y
The bar chart shows the percentage of men and women in Australia who performed regular physical activity in year 2010. Exercise and regular physical activity is important for both men and women from teenage to all phases of age. The bar chart depicts that in age group 15-24 years, males did more physical activity than females. This may be due to the fact that boys in teenage and early 20's are more concerned about their body shapes and muscle build up. However, in age groups 25-34, 35-44, 45-54, 55-64; the the trend changed and females were seen more active than males. The maximum difference between male and female activity was seen in age group 35-44. The reason could be that females in this age are usually busy in household activities and raising children. At the end, almost same percentage was recorded in age group of over 65. To sum up, the graph depicts that Australian women remain more active physically in most of the ge than males in year 2010.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in Australia who performed regular physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in year 2010. Exercise and regular physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women from teenage to all phases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. The bar chart depicts that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
15-24 years,
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males
did more physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. This may be due to the fact that boys in teenage and early
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "20s".
20's
are more concerned about their body shapes and muscle build up.
However
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
25-34, 35-44, 45-54, 55-64;
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
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females
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
more active than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
. The maximum difference between male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
35-44. The reason could be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in this
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age
are
usually
busy in household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and raising children. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, almost same percentage
was recorded
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of over 65. To sum up, the graph depicts that Australian women remain more active
physically
in most of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ge
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
in year 2010.
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IELTS academic The bar chart showing Australian men and women's physical activity in year 2010.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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