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The bar chart show the number students of who choose certain subject of university

The bar chart show the number students of who choose certain subject of university 0MYV9
The bar chart illustrates how many students pick certain courses of the university. Overall, we can observe that some of the subjects which were selected more than other at the university campus. The number of female student who chose Social Sciences, Languages and the Arts was higher than other majors at university in 2015. In contrast, The Sciences, Mathematics, Literature and Law was selected by boys more than girls at college in the same year. In some subjects such as Sciences, Mathematics, Languages. Not only different in the numbers of female and male students enroll, but also did they selected subject-marked differences in numbers.
The bar chart illustrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students pick certain courses of the university.

Overall
, we can observe that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
subjects which
were selected
more than other at the university campus. The number of female student who chose Social Sciences, Languages and the Arts was higher than other majors at university in 2015.
In contrast
, The Sciences, Mathematics, Literature and Law
was selected
by boys more than girls at college in the same year.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
subjects such as Sciences, Mathematics, Languages. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in the numbers of female and male students enroll,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
did they selected subject-marked differences in numbers.
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IELTS academic The bar chart show the number students of who choose certain subject of university

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
104 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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