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The bar chart show the number of men and women attending various adult center in 2009.The pie chart show the Different aged participating in this courses. Summarize the Information and report it.

The bar chart show the number of men and women attending various adult center in 2009. The pie chart show the Different aged participating in this courses. m8qD8
The bar chart expresses the data of men and women involving in drama course, painting, sculpture and language courses in adult education center in 2009. The pie chart also shows the information of various aged groups participating in these kinds of classes. On average, adult women were interesting to learn the language course the most while the largest number of men were focusing on painting class. On the contrary, the youngest aged group participating saw the least in adult education center, aged over 50 years were primarily attending different courses at school. It is clear that, women involved in sculpture class was the smallest number which showing 5% compared to other courses attendance. The numbers of men took part in drama and language courses were only half of the women's participating in 2009 whereas men were more interesting in sculpture class than women. In terms of different aged group participation, the elderly’s attendance were the most at school which showing 42%, when the youngest aged group were attending the least proportion with 5%. Both 20-29 aged group and 30-39 aged group was taking part in many courses with under 20%, aged over 40 were involving in adult education center with nearly 50% in 2009.
The bar chart expresses the data of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and women involving in drama
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, painting, sculpture and language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in adult education center in 2009.

The pie chart
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the information of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
participating in these kinds of classes.

On average, adult women were interesting to learn the language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
the most while the largest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were focusing on painting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
On the contrary
, the youngest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
participating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the least in adult education center,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
over 50 years were
primarily
attending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
at school.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, women involved in sculpture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
was the smallest number which showing 5% compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
attendance. The numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in drama and language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
half of the women's participating in 2009 whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were more interesting in sculpture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
than women.

In terms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
participation, the elderly’s attendance were the most at school which showing 42%, when the youngest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
were attending the least proportion with 5%. Both 20-29
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and 30-39
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was taking part in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
with under 20%,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
over 40
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
were involving
in adult education center with
nearly
50% in 2009.
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IELTS academic The bar chart show the number of men and women attending various adult center in 2009. The pie chart show the Different aged participating in this courses.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The bar chart show the number of men and women attending various adult center in 2009.The pie chart show the Different aged participating in this courses. Summarize the Information and report it.