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The chart illustrates three kinds of problem which people have when they live abroad according to their age.

The chart illustrates three kinds of problem which people have when they live abroad according to their age. 9Bbjr
The chart illustrates three kinds of problem which people have when they live abroad according to their age. Overall the greatest problem all ages handle is taking healthcare. Between 30 to 37 percent of people find this problem. And the other hand finding the schools for children is the least problem for people from all ages. (around 2 to 19%) The second biggest problem is organizing finance. Although 28% of people over 55 years old handle this problem, it still affected 35% of people aged 35 to 54. About 34% of young people who is 18 to 34 years old are effected organizing finance, compared 28% of old people. While 19% of 35-54 age group have trouble finding a suitable school for their children, The percentage of people in the other two age groups is much lower at 6% for the young group and 2% for over 55s. Follow up health condition is a huge problem for all age group. About 37% of people between 35 to 54 handle this problem. 36% of older people and 32% of the younger struggle with health issues.
The chart illustrates three kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
abroad according to their age.

Overall
the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
handle is taking healthcare.
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "Between 30 and 37".
Between 30 to 37
percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. And the other hand finding the schools for children is the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. (around 2 to 19%) The second biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is organizing finance. Although 28% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over 55 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
handle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, it
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
35% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aged 35 to 54.

About 34% of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who is 18 to 34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
are effected
organizing finance, compared 28% of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. While 19% of 35-54
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
have trouble finding a suitable school for their children, The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
is much lower at 6% for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and 2% for over 55s.

'Follow up' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "Follow-up".
Follow up
health condition is a huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. About 37% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 35 and 54".
between 35 to 54
Possible agreement error. The noun 'handle' seems to be countable, so consider using: "handles".
handle
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. 36% of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and 32% of the younger struggle with health issues.

IELTS academic The chart illustrates three kinds of problem which people have when they live abroad according to their age.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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