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The bar chart present the sales in the word of different brads of mobile phones.from 2009 to 2013

The bar chart present the sales in the word of different brads of mobile phones. from 2009 to 2013 1kYBq
Overall, In X axis show the years and the Yaxis show the number of sales. the most selling phone is Samsung. The lowest sales phone is ZTE In the first of bar chart is sumsung in 2009 the sales of the phone is 230 but in 2011 the sales is increased from 230 to 320 abd in 2013 went up is become the highest thing the bar chart. APPLE from the 2009to 2013 it slowly went up inthe last achieved to 150 sales. Nokia is the best in 2009 phone sales in the bar chart but in the 2011 is decreased like 40 of sales but in-the 2013 dramatically went down to 250 sales in Nokia sales. LG from the last year to the first is rised slowly and rech to 150 sales ZTE is lowest brand in the first year but afer to the last years is rise like to 60 sales this phone
Overall
, In X axis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the years and the
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Yaxis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the number of
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sales
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
most selling
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phone
is Samsung. The lowest
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sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is
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ZTE
In the
first
of bar chart is
Possible spelling mistake found.
sumsung
in 2009 the
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sales
of the
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phone
is 230
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2011 the
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sales
is increased
from 230 to 320
Possible spelling mistake found.
abd
in 2013 went up
is become
the highest thing the bar chart. APPLE from the 2009to 2013 it
slowly
went up
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inthe
last achieved to 150
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sales
. Nokia is the best in 2009
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phone
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sales
in the bar chart
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but
in the 2011
is decreased
like 40 of
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sales
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in-the 2013
dramatically
went down to 250
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sales
in Nokia
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sales
. LG from the last
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year
to the
first
is
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rised
slowly
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
rech
to 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
Possible spelling mistake found.
ZTE
is
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
brand in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
afer
to the last years is rise like to 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
phone
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IELTS academic The bar chart present the sales in the word of different brads of mobile phones. from 2009 to 2013

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
154 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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