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gym users between years 2019 and 2016. summarise and make comparissons

gym users between years 2019 and 2016. summarise and make comparissons 0wQL1
This bar chart illustrates the total number of gym members using different facilities in the gym by plotting and comparing different amenities used between the years 2016 and 2019. The trend between both years shows that the gymnasium is the most frequently used facility at the fitness club compared to others. There is a significant increase in the number of people using the gymnasium during the year 2019 compared to 2016. Similarly, the same pattern is noticed in the Yoga room as well, where the rise is quite prominent. The swimming pool usage has also improved during the year 2019. Out of all the facilities, the members in the Basketball court have decreased quite a bit, which is that the users have fallen in number from 8 thousand to roundabout 7 thousand. While the tennis court is the only place that has stayed the same between both years, pointing to the fact it is not a preferred activity.
This bar chart illustrates the total number of gym members using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
facilities in the gym by plotting and comparing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
amenities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
between the years 2016 and 2019.

The trend between both years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the gymnasium is the most
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
facility at the fitness club compared to others. There is a significant increase in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using the gymnasium during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2019 compared to 2016.
Similarly
, the same pattern
is noticed
in the Yoga room
as well
, where the rise is quite prominent. The swimming pool usage has
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2019.

Out of all the facilities, the members in the Basketball court have decreased quite a bit, which is that the users have fallen in number from 8 thousand to roundabout 7 thousand. While the tennis court is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
place that has stayed the same between both years, pointing to the fact it is not a preferred activity.
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IELTS academic gym users between years 2019 and 2016. summarise and make comparissons

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
158 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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