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The bar chart of activity of Australian men and women

The bar chart of activity of Australian men and women Q56wL
This bar chart shows the percentage of different age groups between Australian men and women who did regular physical activity in 2010. According to what is shown, the above of percentage belong to 45 to 54 age group of female, while in the same age the activity of male leas than female by 10. 2%. Also, in 15 to 24 group the activity by men higher than activity by women, but in 60 and over group there is a slight different between men and women with a little percentage, it just 0. 4% for women. To sum up, we could say that, women did regular activities more than men in all of ages, except the first group from 15 to 24 year, the exercise of men higher than women.
This bar chart
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shows
the percentage of
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different
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age
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groups
between Australian
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men
and
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women
who did regular physical
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activity
in 2010.

According to what
is shown
, the above of percentage belong to 45 to 54
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age
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group
of female, while in the same
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age
the
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activity
of male leas than female by 10. 2%.
Also
, in 15 to 24
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group
the
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activity
by
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men
higher than
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activity
by
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women
,
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but
in 60 and over
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group
there is a slight
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different
between
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men
and
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women
with a
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little
percentage, it
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just
0. 4% for women.

To sum up, we could say that,
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women
did regular
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activities
more than
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men
in all of
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ages
, except the
first
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group
from 15 to 24 year, the exercise of
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men
higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart of activity of Australian men and women

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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