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The bar chart indicates the average levels of involvement in education while the pie chart depicts the various educational levels attained by adults.

The bar chart indicates the average levels of involvement in education while the pie chart depicts the various educational levels attained by adults. K01NL
The bar chart indicates the average levels of involvement in education while the pie chart depicts the various educational levels attained by adults. It can be seen that there has been an increasing number of years, both among men and women, in the education system during the period indicated. In addition, in 2000, the number of adults who graduated high school was the largest among the other qualifications while in 2010, the highest figure was recorded in university qualification. According to the bar chart, in 2000, Singaporean women consumed less time in school in comparison with their male counterparts with 8 years and 9 years respectively. In addition, the average years men spent in school have steadily increased from approximately 9 to almost 12 years over a ten-year period. Another noteworthy point is that the average school years of women remained unchanged during the first three-year period before rising marginally to about 9. 5 years in 2010. Looking at the pie chart in more detail, in 2000, highschool qualifications started at 32, 12%, ranking the first among three categories then decreased sharply by 12, 57% in 2010. Whereas, both primary and secondary qualifications made up for approximately a quarter in the total of educational levels attained by adults, consequently declined significantly to 2, 1% and 15, 2% respectively. By contrast, the figure for university and master qualifications were the lowest with under 10% each but then rose noticeably to 32, 93% and 30, 31% in 2010.
The bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
indicates the average levels of involvement in education while the pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
depicts the various educational levels attained by adults.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there has been an increasing number of years, both among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women, in the education system during the period indicated.
In addition
, in 2000, the number of adults who
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
was the largest among the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualifications
while in 2010, the highest figure
was recorded
in university qualification.

According to the bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, in 2000, Singaporean women consumed less time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in comparison
with their male counterparts with 8 years and 9 years
respectively
.
In addition
, the average years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
spent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have
steadily
increased from approximately 9 to almost 12 years over a ten-year period. Another noteworthy point is that the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
years of women remained unchanged during the
first
three-year period
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
rising
marginally
to about 9. 5 years in 2010.

Looking at the pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
in more detail, in 2000,
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualifications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 32, 12%, ranking the
first
among three categories then decreased
sharply
by 12, 57% in 2010. Whereas, both primary and secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualifications
made up for approximately a quarter in the total of educational levels attained by adults,
consequently
declined
significantly
to 2, 1% and 15, 2%
respectively
. By contrast, the figure for university and master
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualifications
were the lowest with under 10% each
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then rose
noticeably
to 32, 93% and 30, 31% in 2010.
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IELTS academic The bar chart indicates the average levels of involvement in education while the pie chart depicts the various educational levels attained by adults.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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