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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people within 15-minute drive service in specific area in United Kingdom.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people within 15-minute drive service in specific area in United Kingdom. 7BXA
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people within 15-minute drive service in specific area in United Kingdom. It is given percentage of people living in rural and urban areas. There are four different kind of sections which are given by doctor, post office, primary school and secondary school. Overall, the percentages of people who live in urban areas are slightly similar at each trend. However, there are differences between in every section for people living in rural areas. It can obviously be seen that the proportion of doctor who live in rural area is exceedingly similar with the percentage of people who are in secondary school in both areas. The number of people who live in urban areas is %100 and it is same in each section. On the other hand, the lowest proportion is %70 and it belongs to the people who are in primary school. Following that, the second lowest percentage of people who live in rural areas is primary school.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
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people
within 15-minute drive service in specific
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area
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Kingdom".
in United Kingdom
. It is
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given
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percentage
of
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people
living in
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rural
and urban
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areas
. There are four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "kinds"?
kind
of sections which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by doctor, post office, primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and secondary school.

Overall
, the
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percentages
of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in urban
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areas
are
slightly
similar at each trend.
However
, there are differences between in every section for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas.

It can
obviously
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the proportion of doctor
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who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is
exceedingly
similar with the
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in secondary
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school
in both
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areas
. The number of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is %100 and it is same in each section.

On the other hand
, the lowest proportion is %70 and it belongs to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Following that, the second lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people within 15-minute drive service in specific area in United Kingdom.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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