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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of obese Australians, classified according to gender over the thirty years, starting from 1980

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of obese Australians, classified according to gender over the thirty years, starting from 1980 6Ln5G
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of obese Australians, classified according to gender over the thirty years, starting from 1980. Overall, the percentages of overweight males were significantly higher than females in each year. In addition, the rate of both men and women in terms of overweight rose generally over period time shown. In 1980, starting from the lowest figure for both tow gender, about approximately 50% of Australian men who were obese, compared to exactly one – third females. The former witnessed a slight growth with about 53% while the latter increased significantly by 10% which was nearly 7% higher than the former. In 2000 the proportion of male and female Australians who were overweight both reached the highest point accounting for 70% for men; 40%, women. This figure for the second stayed unchanged while there was a slight drop for the first, at 68%.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of obese Australians, classified according to gender over the thirty years, starting from 1980.

Overall
, the percentages of overweight males were
significantly
higher than females in each year.
In addition
, the rate of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in terms of overweight rose
generally
over period time shown.

In 1980, starting from the lowest figure for both tow gender, about approximately 50% of Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who were obese, compared to exactly one
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
third females. The former witnessed a slight growth with about 53% while the latter increased
significantly
by 10% which was
nearly
7% higher than the former.

In 2000 the proportion of male and female Australians who were overweight both reached the highest point accounting for 70% for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
; 40%, women. This figure for the second stayed unchanged while there was a slight drop for the
first
, at 68%.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the proportion of obese Australians, classified according to gender over the thirty years, starting from 1980

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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