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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of American adults in various fields of employment between 2003 and 2013

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of American adults in various fields of employment between 2003 and 2013 L3jK1
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of American adults in various fields of employment between 2003 and 2013 Generally speaking, while there was an increase in the percentage of people who were in hostel industry, business, self-employment and unemployment categories, the figures of those tha were in education training, medical and building decreased slightly. The percentage of people who were unemployed and self-employed remained the highest over the years. More specifically, starting at 20% in 2003, the percentage of adults in the US that were in business significantly increased by 10% in 2013. Similarly, in terms of self-employment, there was an increase by approximately 10%, with the figure of 50% in 2013. In comparison, there was nearly 10% higher than the figure of people who were unemployed in 2013. The figure of those who were in hotel industry slightly decreased and remained under 10% during the period shown. There was a similar decline in the percentage of adults who were in medical and building category.
The bar chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of American adults in various fields of employment between 2003 and 2013

Generally
speaking, while there was an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were in hostel industry, business, self-employment and unemployment categories, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of those
Possible spelling mistake found.
tha
were in education training, medical and building decreased
slightly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were unemployed
and self-employed remained the highest over the years.

More
specifically
, starting at 20% in 2003, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of adults in the US that were in business
significantly
increased by 10% in 2013.
Similarly
, in terms of self-employment, there was an increase by approximately 10%, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of 50% in 2013.
In comparison
, there was
nearly
10% higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were unemployed
in 2013.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were in hotel industry
slightly
decreased and remained under 10% during the period shown. There was a similar decline in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were in medical and building category.

IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the percentage of American adults in various fields of employment between 2003 and 2013

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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