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The bar chart illustrates a survey of the number of elder people who were obese over a period of 50 years percentagewise, while the pie chart indicates the range of the elder people weight in 2015.

The bar chart illustrates a survey of the number of elder people who were obese over a period of 50 years percentagewise, while the pie chart indicates the range of the elder people weight in 2015. Overall, it is noticeable that the percentage of overweight was up-ward and increased slightly, and furthermore, too fat people saw the biggest amount in terms of others. In 1965, the percentage of people was between 40% and 50% and after that, remained relatively stable until 1985, then it surged dramatically to approximately 70% for the rest of the period. According to the pie chart, obese people is regarded as the most the range of the adult populations about 34%, in addition to, the second one belonged to the overweight persons that was about 31%. Nevertheless, the two least were healthy and severely obese people that were 25% and 6%, respectively.
The bar chart illustrates a survey of the number of elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


who were obese over a period of 50 years
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentagewise
, while the pie chart

indicates the range of the elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
weight in 2015.
Overall
, it is noticeable

that the percentage of overweight was up-ward and increased
slightly
, and

furthermore
, too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the biggest amount in terms of others.

In 1965, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was between 40% and 50%

and after that, remained
relatively
stable until 1985, then it surged

dramatically
to approximately 70% for the rest of the period.

According to the pie chart, obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
is
regarded as the

most the range of the adult populations about 34%,
in addition
to, the second

one belonged to the overweight persons that was about 31%.
Nevertheless
, the

two least were healthy and
severely
obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that were 25% and 6%,

respectively
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates a survey of the number of elder people who were obese over a period of 50 years percentagewise, while the pie chart indicates the range of the elder people weight in 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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