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The pie charts illustrate the household expense made by two different countries Japan and Malaysia in the year of 2010.

The pie charts illustrate the household expense made by two different countries Japan and Malaysia in the year of 2010. Overall, both the nations spent very less amount in the health care sector also the both countries gave almost equal priority to food and others goods and services sectors. As regard of Japan, it made 29% of investment over other goods and services whereas, Malaysia spent just above a quarter on it. As regard of housing, Japan spent just above a fifth where, Malaysia expenditure was above one third at the same time. Japan spent 20% and 6% in the sectors of transportation and healthcare which are twofold investment as compare to Malaysia. Malaysia spent 27% in food, which is 3% more as compare to Japan.
The pie charts illustrate the household expense made by two
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different
countries
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Japan
and Malaysia in the year of 2010.
Overall
, both the nations
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spent
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very
less amount in the health care sector
also
the both countries gave almost equal priority to food
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and others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services sectors.

As regard of
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Japan
, it made 29% of investment over other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services whereas, Malaysia
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spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above a quarter on it. As regard of housing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above a fifth where, Malaysia expenditure was above one third at the same time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
20% and 6% in the sectors of transportation and healthcare which are twofold investment as compare to Malaysia. Malaysia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
27% in food, which is 3% more
Comparison requires “than”, not ‘then’ nor ‘as’.
as
compare to
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Japan
.
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IELTS academic The pie charts illustrate the household expense made by two different countries Japan and Malaysia in the year of 2010.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
126 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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