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The bar chart illustrate information about the number of social networking sites people need in Canada

The bar chart illustrate information about the number of social networking sites people need in Canada ENxKb
The bar chart provides information about the number of social networking sites people need in Canada between 2014 and 2015. Overall, females experienced a downwaed trend while male showed an upward trend throughout the period. Both countries' divorce rates had some fluctuations. Although males initially had a lower rate, it outraced females at the end of the period. Female's using network rates were about 21% in no sites, lower than male's rate by approximately 2%. Then it rose to almost 28% in one site. However, the figure showed a gradual increase to about 24% in two sites and continued to decline steadily to the end of the period reaching around 16% in three sites and falling about 8% in four sites, next hitting about 4% in five sites. Percentage of using networks by male was more than 21% in no sites. Then it decreased to 35% in one site. The figure showed a gradual increase to about 23% in two sites. However, the rate experienced a sharply drop during 3years respectively
The bar chart provides information about the number of social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need in Canada between 2014 and 2015.
Overall
, females experienced a
Possible spelling mistake found.
downwaed
trend while male
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an upward trend throughout the period. Both countries' divorce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations. Although males
initially
had a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
, it outraced females at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period. Female's using network
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
were about 21% in no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, lower than male's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
by approximately 2%. Then it rose to almost 28% in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
.
However
, the figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a gradual increase to about 24% in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and continued to decline
steadily
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period reaching around 16% in three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and falling about 8% in four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
,
next
hitting about 4% in five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. Percentage of using networks by male was more than 21% in no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. Then it decreased to 35% in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
. The figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a gradual increase to about 23% in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
experienced a
You used an adverb ('sharply') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('drop') instead of another adjective.
sharply drop
during 3years
respectively
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrate information about the number of social networking sites people need in Canada

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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