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The bar chart gives information about how many hours the adolscents in Chester spent on seven activities each week between 20002 and 2007.

The bar chart gives information about how many hours the adolscents in Chester spent on seven activities each week between 20002 and 2007. JwOx5
The bar chart gives information about how many hours the adolscents in Chester spent on seven activities each week between 20002 and 2007. Overall, it can be seen that by far the most popular entertainment within entire (over) period of time was watching TV. In contrast, bowling had the lowest popularity, fluctuating just under 4%. It is easily apparent that attendance of pubs, watching TV, and shopping had upward trends. For example, the similar rate for youngsters who went to pubs and went shooping rose from 6-8 hours in 2002 to more then 15 hours in 2007. Besides that, there was a considerable growth among those who watched TV. The two beginning years had the same figures 25 but than rocketed to 37 hours per week in 2007. The permanent (continuous) negative dynamics was being occurred amid two activities: doing homework, and doing sport. The former had been experienced decrease to 7 hours by 2007 year, though it began from 12 hours. Meanwhile, the latter activity falled by 7 (from 10 in 2002 to 3 in 2007). In terms of the younger watching DVDs that number of hours reached a peak of 17 in 2004. However, by 2007, amount of time had gone down to 10 where it approximately was in 2002.
The bar chart gives information about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
adolscents
in Chester spent on seven activities each week between 20002 and 2007.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that by far the most popular entertainment within entire (over) period of time was watching TV.
In contrast
, bowling had the lowest popularity, fluctuating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 4%.

It is
easily
apparent that attendance of pubs, watching TV, and shopping had upward trends.
For example
, the similar rate for youngsters who went to pubs and went
Possible spelling mistake found.
shooping
rose from 6-8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in 2002 to more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in 2007.
Besides
that, there was a considerable growth among those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV. The two beginning years had the same figures 25
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
than rocketed to 37
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week in 2007.

The permanent (continuous)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
dynamics was
being occurred
amid two activities: doing homework, and doing sport.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
former had
been experienced
decrease to 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
by 2007 year, though it began from 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Meanwhile, the latter activity
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "fell", the past tense form of the verb 'fall'?
falled
by 7 (from 10 in 2002 to 3 in 2007).

In terms of the younger watching DVDs that number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
reached a peak of 17 in 2004.
However
, by 2007, amount of time had gone down to 10 where it approximately was in 2002.
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IELTS academic The bar chart gives information about how many hours the adolscents in Chester spent on seven activities each week between 20002 and 2007.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
212 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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