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The bar chart gives information about British Emigration to selected destinations from 2004 – 2007

The bar chart gives information about British Emigration to selected destinations from 2004 – 2007 gGjjL
The chart illustrates how many British people choose to reside in other places between 2004 and 2007. Overall, there was a decrease in the number of people emigrating to particular countries over the period given, while Australia shows some fluctuations. In addition, Australia was generally the most popular destination in total five points. The volume of native British moving to Australia started at just over 40 thousand, after which it experienced a dramatic rise to over 50 thousand in 2006 before ending the period at about 42. Similar changes, but to a lesser extent, can be seen in the figure for France, which grew from over 20 thousand to over 30 thousand in the first two years, followed by a significant decrease to under 20 thousand in the last year of the period. While emigrants living in Spain and New Zealand declined steadily from over 30 to over 25 and just over 20 to exactly 20 respectively, the figure for USA almost remained unchanged throughout the first three years and levelled off towards the end of the period, at exactly 20 thousand of people.
The chart illustrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to reside in other places between 2004 and 2007.

Overall
, there was a decrease in the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
emigrating to particular countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, while Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations.
In addition
, Australia was
generally
the most popular destination in total five points.

The volume of native British moving to Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
40 thousand, after which it experienced a dramatic rise to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
50 thousand in 2006
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
ending the period at about 42. Similar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
,
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but
to a lesser extent, can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the figure for France, which grew from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
20 thousand to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
30 thousand in the
first
two years, followed by a significant decrease to under 20 thousand in the last year of the period.

While emigrants living in Spain and New Zealand declined
steadily
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
30 to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
25 and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
20 to exactly 20
respectively
, the figure
A determiner is probably missing here: "for the USA".
for USA
almost remained unchanged throughout the
first
three years and levelled off towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, at exactly 20 thousand of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart gives information about British Emigration to selected destinations from 2004 – 2007

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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