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the bar chart given below the percentage of UK population consuming a recommended the amount of fruits and vegetables in 2002, 2006, and 2010.

the bar chart given below the percentage of UK population consuming a recommended the amount of fruits and vegetables in 2002, 2006, and 2010. p5Epa
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the both genders as well as children who consumed fruits and vegetables in 2002, 2006, and 2010 in the UK. It is evident from the graph in 2002, the highest women consumed amount of fruits and vegetables, which was a quarter. There was a slight decrease in men at 22%, who eaten fruits and vegetables. Just 11 percent of children consumed it. Over the period of four years, females and males eaten the maximum compared to other mentioned years, which was 32% and 28% respectively. While, 16 percent of children consumed it. By 2010, just more than a quarter of women and 24% of men were like to eat vegetables and fruits. There was a gradual decline in children who were taken vegetables and fruits. Overall, it can be seen from the graph that the highest females consumed fruits and vegetables in all mentioned years; however, a few children eaten these.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of the both genders
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
in 2002, 2006, and 2010 in the UK.

It is evident from the graph in 2002, the highest women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
, which was a quarter. There was a slight decrease in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
at 22%, who eaten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
11 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
it.

Over the period of four years, females and males eaten the maximum compared to other mentioned years, which was 32% and 28%
respectively
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, 16 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
it.

By 2010,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
more than a quarter of women and 24% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were like to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
. There was a gradual decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
were taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
and fruits.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that the highest females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruits
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
in all mentioned years;
however
, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eaten these.
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IELTS academic the bar chart given below the percentage of UK population consuming a recommended the amount of fruits and vegetables in 2002, 2006, and 2010.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
158 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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