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The bar chart for divorce rates in Finland and Sweden.

The bar chart for divorce rates in Finland and Sweden. KWQp6
The following bar chart expresses the percentage of the divorce rates in between Finland and Sweden from the years 2011 to 2015. First of all, Finland experienced an upward trend through the period whilst Sweden got a downward trend by the end of the chart. Both of the countries had some fluctuations throughout the years. Although Finland was initially lower than Sweden, it outraced Sweden by the end of the period. The divorce rates in Sweden was around 45 percent in 2011. It rose dramatically to nearly fifty percent in 2012. It continued to decline eventually for the next two years, hitting around 47 percent in 2013 and 44 percent in 2014. Then it dropped significantly to nearly 37 percent by the end of the bar chart. The divroce rates in Finland was approximately 37 percent in 2011. Then, it declined to nearly 33 percent in 2012. It eventually rose up for the next two years, hitting around 39 percent in 2013 and 41 percent in 2014. Finally, it showed a stable rate by the end of the chart in 2015.
The following bar
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chart
expresses the percentage of the divorce
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rates
in between Finland and Sweden from the years 2011 to 2015.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Finland experienced an upward trend through the period whilst Sweden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a downward trend by the
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end
of the
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chart
. Both of the countries had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations throughout the years. Although Finland was
initially
lower than Sweden, it outraced Sweden by the
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end
of the period. The divorce
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rates
in Sweden was around 45
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percent
in 2011. It rose
dramatically
to
nearly
fifty
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percent
in 2012. It continued to decline
eventually
for the
next
two years, hitting around 47
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percent
in 2013 and 44
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percent
in 2014. Then it dropped
significantly
to
nearly
37
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percent
by the
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end
of the bar
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chart
. The
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divroce
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rates
in Finland was approximately 37
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percent
in 2011. Then, it declined to
nearly
33
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percent
in 2012. It
eventually
rose up for the
next
two years, hitting around 39
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percent
in 2013 and 41
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percent
in 2014.
Finally
, it
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showed
a stable
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rate
by the
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end
of the
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chart
in 2015.
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IELTS academic The bar chart for divorce rates in Finland and Sweden.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
181 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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