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The bar chart depicts the information about the total telephone calls

The bar chart depicts the information about the total telephone calls bpNl
The bar chart depicts the information about the total number of minutes in billion of telephone calls in Australia divided into different three categories from 2001 to 2008. It can be clearly seen that the number of minutes telephone calls by local which increased from 72 billion in 2001 to 78 billion in 2002. Interestingly, the figure remained same next 5 years in national and international calls. Between 2003 and 2004, the amount of mobiles calls went down at 7 billion. After that the amount was nearly 85 billion, around 45 billion, just under 89 billion till 2004 respectively. Moving towards the rest of the information there was little bit difference of telephone calls made by National and international between 2006 and 2007. Furthermore, the amount of mobile calls were 60 billion in 2007 followed by 61 billions during 2008. Overall, the maximum number of telephone calls made by local whereas it was minimum by mobile calls in given time.
The bar chart depicts the information about the total number of minutes in
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
of
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telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
in Australia divided into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
three categories from 2001 to 2008. It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the number of minutes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
by local which increased from 72
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billion
in 2001 to 78
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
in 2002.
Interestingly
, the figure remained same
next
5 years in national and international
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calls
. Between 2003 and 2004, the amount of mobiles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
went down at 7
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billion
. After that the amount was
nearly
85
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billion
, around 45
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billion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 89
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billion
till 2004
respectively
. Moving towards the rest of the information there was
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
difference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
made by National and international between 2006 and 2007.
Furthermore
, the amount of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
were 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
in 2007 followed by 61
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
during 2008.
Overall
, the maximum number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
made by local whereas it was minimum by mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time.
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IELTS academic The bar chart depicts the information about the total telephone calls

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
160 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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