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The bar chart depicts how many people visiting to a wide range of art exhibitions in six different nations in the year 2011.

The bar chart depicts how many people visiting to a wide range of art exhibitions in six different nations in the year 2011. pKoW0
The bar chart depicts how many people visiting to a wide range of art exhibitions in six different nations in the year 2011. As can be seen from the graph, It is clear that the Lource Museum almost always led in popularity, followed by M whereas the State Heritage Museum was the least prevalent choice for visitors Looking at Lourve, it made up the biggest part among six countries, nearly 9 million visitors, which is almost threefold of this figure in national museum of korea. Similarity, museo del prado in spain and state hermitage in Russia also attracted more modest number people, just 3 million and 2. 9 million respectively in the same year. The second most popular destination listed was metropolitan museum in America, register 6 million people to visit, which was only two-thirds compare to the highest one. 5, 8 million was the figure of people came to admire arts in british museum in UK, followed closely to the museum in USA and almost double than state hermitage.
The bar chart depicts how
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many
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people
visiting to a wide range of art exhibitions in six
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different
nations in the year 2011.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
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Lource
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Museum
almost always led in popularity, followed by M whereas the State Heritage
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Museum
was the least prevalent choice for visitors

Looking at
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Lourve
, it made up the biggest part among six countries,
nearly
9
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million
visitors, which is almost threefold of this figure in national
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museum
of
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korea
. Similarity,
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museo
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del
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prado
in
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spain
and state hermitage in Russia
also
attracted more modest number
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people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
3
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million
and 2. 9
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million
respectively
in the same year.

The second most popular destination listed was metropolitan
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museum
in America, register 6
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit, which was
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only
two-thirds compare to the highest one. 5, 8
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million
was the figure of
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people
came to admire arts in
Possible spelling mistake found.
british
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museum
in UK, followed
closely
to the
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museum
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
and almost
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than state hermitage.
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IELTS academic The bar chart depicts how many people visiting to a wide range of art exhibitions in six different nations in the year 2011.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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