Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some students play too much computer games rather than do sports there they become physically and emotionally unhealthy. Do you agree or disagree? What can be done to make students play more sports?

Some students play too much computer games rather than do sports there they become physically and emotionally unhealthy. What can be done to make students play more sports? DwExW
It is true that new technologies have an influence on students easily, some of them play too much computer games rather than do sports, therefore they become physically and emotionally unhealthy. I very much agree with that statement. It can be seen, students can find games very interesting, they can play them for hours without getting bored. It means they would sit on the chair for a very long time, it can make them lazy and don’t even want to do any exercise cuz they were to focus on the game. Therefore it can cause some health problems. The school should try to encourage the students to do sports for example they could put a pizes, or a contest between classes, make it more interesting for the them In conclusion, student shouldn’t use most of their time on games, it can cause healthy which can sometime impact their life
It is true that new technologies have an influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
easily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them play too much computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than do sports,
therefore
they become
physically
and
emotionally
unhealthy. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that statement.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting, they can play them for hours without getting bored. It means they would sit on the chair for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them lazy and don’t even want to do any exercise
Possible spelling mistake found.
cuz
they were to focus on the game.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems.

The school should try to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do sports
for example
they could put
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a pize" or simply "pizes"?
a pizes
, or a contest between classes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more interesting for
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "them"?
the them


In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
shouldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
most of their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, it can cause healthy which can sometime impact their life

IELTS academic Some students play too much computer games rather than do sports there they become physically and emotionally unhealthy. What can be done to make students play more sports?

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • The Trendiest car this year
    Mercedes G-class is a new trend this year. It is popular owing to the fact that of its design and the specifications that attracts people. The material of its doors are solid and smooth, and the seats are made up of leather with a soft feel. Its wheels are made of materials that can cross all kinds ...
  • disadvantage of single parent
    Single-parent families have certain bad sides. Living in a single parent family is living in an emotionally incomplete family. They will be deprived of the love of their father or mother. This can lead to psychological effects on the child. They may feel jealous of their friends or teased by their f...
  • A Simplified Version of the Ordering Process used by One Company
    The diagram illustrates the process of classifying an order from a client, using a platform of dates. The flow is simple, only use the option of (yes or no) to receive the order, depending on the client, if it is current or new in the platform. This is important because the platform needs to know i...
  • As you can see here this chart shows us an ordering process.
    As you can see here this chart shows us an ordering process. In fact it is common in most companies. Now I want to explain this chart. At first a customer orders the product and then, the part one if the customer be new he should create an new account for him, and if the customer be old and had acco...
  • The diagram shows us the short procedure applied by an enterprise.
    The diagram shows us the short procedure applied by an enterprise. As we can see the process starts with receiving the order, after that the order goes on the stage of order from current, if it is right the operation carry on with the quality, then if the order has a good quality, a discount is appl...
  • STEP BY STEP ONLINE PAYMENT PROCESS
    In this diagram we will see the process to sell and send goods by courier. It is a basic system with only two options in each decision. The buyer only has to choose between “yes” or “no” in each decision for example. An actual order or already prepared in advance or ask for discounts. Each decision...





Get more results for topic:
  • Some students play too much computer games rather than do sports there they become physically and emotionally unhealthy. Do you agree or disagree? What can be done to make students play more sports?