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The bar chart compares the proportion of unemployment rates of women in the countries of the UK both in 2013 and in 2014.

The bar chart compares the proportion of unemployment rates of women in the countries of the UK both in 2013 and in 2014. DoBwa
The bar chart compares the proportion of unemployment rates of women in the countries of the UK both in 2013 and in 2014. Overall, the percentage of female unemployment decreased slightly from 2013 to 2014, except in Scotland. In 2013, the proportion of female unemployment in England was 6. 8 percent, making it the highest figure followed by Scotland with 6. 1 percent. The percentage of unemployment in Northern Ireland ranked third with 5. 6 percent. While, Wales reached the bottom of 5. 4 percent. Over the following one years, there was a slight drop of England and Wales to 6. 5 percent and 5. 0 percent respectively. Northern Ireland had the percentage of unemployed women in 2013, with 6. 8 percent. However, this saw a significant fall by 1. 0 percent in 2014. By contrast, there was a considerable climb of woman who was jobless in Scotland by 0. 6 percent.
The bar chart compares the proportion of
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unemployment
rates of women in the countries of the UK both in 2013 and in 2014.

Overall
, the percentage of female
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unemployment
decreased
slightly
from 2013 to 2014, except in Scotland.

In 2013, the proportion of female
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unemployment
in England was 6. 8
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percent
, making it the highest figure followed by Scotland with 6. 1
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percent
. The percentage of
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unemployment
in Northern Ireland ranked third with 5. 6
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percent
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, Wales reached the bottom of 5. 4 percent.

Over the following
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one year", "a year", or simply "years"?
one years
, there was a slight drop of England and Wales to 6. 5
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percent
and 5. 0
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percent
respectively
. Northern Ireland had the percentage of unemployed women in 2013, with 6. 8
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percent
.
However
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant fall by 1. 0
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2014. By contrast, there was a considerable climb of woman who was jobless in Scotland by 0. 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.

IELTS academic The bar chart compares the proportion of unemployment rates of women in the countries of the UK both in 2013 and in 2014.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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