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the bar chart compares employment rates of males and female in 3 metropolitan countries which are canada, south korea and sweden in 2005 and 2015 .

the bar chart compares employment rates of males and female in 3 metropolitan countries which are canada, south korea and sweden in 2005 and 2015. 2R6do
Overall percentage of men remain higher than females throughout the period. It did not show much of fluctuation for both year in canada and south korea except for sweden which decreased in sweden. With regards to 2005 canadian men having job started at about 60% while for females it was around 40 %. Furthermore as with canada, south korea was higher for Y gender in terms of service just above 70 % in contrast women was at its lowest by slightly under 30 %. Among all sweden was highest approaximately above 70% when females reached to only around 45%. On the other hand, in 2015 men being employed started under 70 % for Canada which later increased to slightly above 70% in south korea then slightly fell by 65 % in sweden. In terms of females which began at about 55% in Canada that later reached to above 5o % in Sweden before falling in south korea at around 35 %.
Overall
percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
remain higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
throughout the period. It did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
much of fluctuation for both year in
Possible spelling mistake found.
canada
and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
south korea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Possible spelling mistake found.
sweden
which decreased in
Possible spelling mistake found.
sweden
.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
2005
Possible spelling mistake found.
canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
having job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at about 60% while for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
it was around 40 %.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
as with
Possible spelling mistake found.
canada
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
south korea
was higher for Y gender in terms of service
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
70 %
in contrast
women was at its lowest by
slightly
under 30 %. Among all
Possible spelling mistake found.
sweden
was highest
Possible spelling mistake found.
approaximately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
70% when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
reached to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 45%.

On the other hand
, in 2015
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
being employed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
under 70 % for Canada which later increased to
slightly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
70% in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
south korea
then
slightly
fell by 65 % in
Possible spelling mistake found.
sweden
. In terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
which began at about 55% in Canada that later reached to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
5o % in Sweden
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
south korea
at around 35 %.
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IELTS academic the bar chart compares employment rates of males and female in 3 metropolitan countries which are canada, south korea and sweden in 2005 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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