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The bar chart below shows the proportion of Singaporean workers in various occupations in 2005

The bar chart below shows the proportion of Singaporean workers in various occupations in 2005 6KrLl
The percentage of Singaporean workers by age group in various occupations has been depicted in the bar chart in the year 2005. Overall, there are four occupation groups which are: (1) managers, professional, and technical; (2) clerical, sales, and services; (3) production and related; (4) cleaners and labourers. According to the chart, managers, professionals, and technicals are the most interesting occupation for Singaporean workers who are 25 - 34 years old. It was shown by the highest percentage at 60%. However, as people grow older, the interest drops significantly, less than 30% elderly are still working in the same field. On the other hand, there are little to no 25 - 34 y. o workers who work as cleaners or laborers and almost 20% percent 55+ y. o workers work as one. For production workers and related fields are filled with the older age group with the highest is 45 - 54 age group at 25%. The same thing goes with clerical, sales, and services workers who are dominated by 45 - 54 and 55+ age group at around 30%.
The percentage of Singaporean
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workers
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
in various occupations has
been depicted
in the bar chart in the year 2005.

Overall
, there are four occupation
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groups
which are: (1) managers, professional, and technical; (2) clerical, sales, and services; (3) production and related; (4) cleaners and
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labourers
.

According to the chart, managers, professionals, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
technicals
are the most interesting occupation for Singaporean
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workers
who are
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25 - 34
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. It
was shown
by the highest percentage at 60%.
However
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
grow older, the interest drops
significantly
, less than 30% elderly are
still
working in the same field.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
25 - 34
y. o
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workers
who work as cleaners or laborers and almost 20% percent 55+ y. o
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workers
work as one.

For production
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workers
and related fields
are filled
with the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
with the highest is
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
45 - 54
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
at 25%. The same thing goes with clerical, sales, and services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who
are dominated
by
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
45 - 54
and 55+
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
at around 30%.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the proportion of Singaporean workers in various occupations in 2005

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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