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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Activity

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Activity AjLEw
The chart compares the proportions of Australian males and females in six age categories who were physically active on a regular basis in the year 2010. Roughly speaking, close to half of Australian adults did some kind of routine physical activity in 2010. Middle aged females were the most physically active, proportionally, while males aged 35 to 44 did the least physical activity. In the youngest age category (15 to 24), almost 53% of Australian men but only 47. 7% of women did regular physical activity in 2010. However, between the ages of 25 and 44, men were much less active on average than women. In fact, in the 35 to 44 age group, a mere 39. 5% of males did some form of regular exercise, compared to 52. 5% of females. Between the ages of 45 and 64, the figure for male physical activity rose to around 45%, while the proportion of active females remained around 8% higher, at 53%. Finally, the percentages of Australian women and men aged 65 and over who exercised regularly were almost identical, at approximately 47%.
The chart compares the proportions of Australian
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males
and females in six
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age
categories who were
physically
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active
on a regular basis in the year 2010.

Roughly speaking, close to half of Australian adults did
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some
kind of routine
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physical
activity in 2010.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Middle aged
females were the most
physically
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active
,
proportionally
, while
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males
aged 35 to 44 did the least
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physical
activity.

In the youngest
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age
category (15 to 24), almost 53% of Australian
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men
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but
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only
47. 7% of women did regular
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physical
activity in 2010.
However
, between the
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ages
of 25 and 44,
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men
were much less
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active
on average than women. In fact, in the 35 to 44
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age
group, a mere 39. 5% of
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males
did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of regular exercise, compared to 52. 5% of females.

Between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of 45 and 64, the figure for male
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physical
activity rose to around 45%, while the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
active
females remained around 8% higher, at 53%.
Finally
, the percentages of Australian women and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
aged 65 and over who exercised
regularly
were almost identical, at approximately 47%.

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Activity

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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