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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010 6DlB
In 2010, the proportion of Australian men and women in various age groups who actively involved in sport activity was shown in the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that females lead in all age groups except the age of 15 to 24 in 2010. At the beginning, the proportion of male doing sport activity in the 15 to 24 age group was higher than female in the 15 to 24 age group by 52. 8 per cent. However, the proportion of men doing sport activity was continuously decreasing and plummeted at 39. 5 percent in the 35 to 44. In contrast, from the age 25 to 34 of females increased gradually and it reached a peak of 53. 3 percent in the 45 to 54 age group. While the sport activity range male age group above 45 was a significant increase, the proportion of females above 45 age group was dropped. The biggest difference between males and females was the 35 to 44 age group. On the other hand, in above 65 of age group above 65 was the least by 1. 4 percent.
In 2010, the
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proportion
of Australian
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men
and women in various
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age
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groups
who
actively
involved in
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sport
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activity
was shown
in the bar chart.
Overall
, it can be
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seen
that
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females
lead in all
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age
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groups
except the
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age
of 15 to 24 in 2010.

At the beginning, the
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proportion
of male doing
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sport
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activity
in the 15 to 24
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was higher than
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female
in the 15 to 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
by 52. 8 per cent.
However
, the
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proportion
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
doing
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sport
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activity
was
continuously
decreasing and plummeted at 39. 5 percent in the 35 to 44.
In contrast
, from the
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age
25 to 34 of
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females
increased
gradually
and it reached a peak of 53. 3 percent in the 45 to 54
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age
group.

While the
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sport
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activity
range male
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
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above
45 was a significant increase, the
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proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was dropped
. The biggest difference between males and
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females
was the 35 to 44
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age
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group
.
On the other hand
, in
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above
65 of
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
65 was the least by 1. 4 percent.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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