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The bar chart below shows the money spent per week on public transport by age group in Malaysia in the year 2008

The bar chart below shows the money spent per week on public transport by age group in Malaysia in the year 2008 LrMkR
The bar chart shows the money spent per week on public transport by age group in Malaysia in the year 2008. Transport facilities are Raile, Bus and Taxis. First, Age group under 30, The money spent by this group is 6. 5 RM per week on taxis and that is the most highest from the overall graph, then spend 1. 8 RM on buses and 3. 8 on rails. Second, Age group between 30-50 is same like under 30 group with quit difference in sending RM, Taxis-6. 2 RM, Buses-1. 9 RM and Rails-2. 5 RM per week. Moving to age group between 50-65, they use taxis more than other two sources, same as pervious two age groups, 5. 8 RM spends on taxis, 1. 7 RM on buses and 1. 8 RM on Rails. As we come to age group 65 -75, spending on taxis are 2. 9 RM and 1. 6 for the both Buses and Rails. Age group above 75 is mostly avoid traveling so they spent less amount of money as compare to other age groups, Taxis -2. 9 RM, Buses-0. 5 RM and Rails. 3. To encapsulates, The above chart gives information about the spending of people from various age groups on transportation facilities. In that taxis are widely used from every age group and then Rails at second. However, Buses are mostly avoided.
The bar chart
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shows
the money spent per week on public transport by
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age
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group
in Malaysia in the year 2008. Transport facilities are
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Raile
, Bus and Taxis.

First
,
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Age
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group
under 30, The money spent by this
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group
is 6. 5 RM per week on
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taxis
and
that is
the
Use only "highest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most highest
from the
overall
graph, then spend 1. 8 RM on buses and 3. 8 on rails. Second,
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Age
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group
between 30-50 is same like under 30
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group
with quit difference in sending RM,
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Taxis-6
. 2 RM, Buses-1. 9 RM and Rails-2. 5 RM per week.

Moving to
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age
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group
between 50-65, they
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use
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taxis
more than other two sources, same as
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pervious
two
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age
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groups
, 5. 8 RM spends on
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taxis
, 1. 7 RM on buses and 1. 8 RM on Rails. As we
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come
to
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age
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group
65 -75, spending on
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taxis
are 2. 9 RM and 1. 6 for the both Buses and Rails.
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Age
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group
above 75 is
mostly
Consider using a past participle here: "avoided".
avoid
traveling
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so
they spent less amount of money as compare to other
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age
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groups
,
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Taxis
-2. 9 RM, Buses-0. 5 RM and Rails. 3.

To encapsulates, The above chart gives information about the spending of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
on transportation facilities. In that
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taxis
are
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
from every
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age
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group
and then Rails at second.
However
, Buses are
mostly
avoided.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the money spent per week on public transport by age group in Malaysia in the year 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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