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Pie chart Leisure activities in Europe.

Pie chart Leisure activities in Europe. 2bOEk
Given is two pie charts analyze favorite pleasure activities of adult in Europe between 1985 and 1995. As can be seen from the graph, a majority of Europe grownup were interested in watching TV in the period, however the rate saw a fall of 2% from 1985 to 1995. In 1985, nobody said that playing computer games was their favorite leisure activity, but in 1995 some 23 percent of Europe adults named this as the activity that they enjoyed the most. Also more popular in 1995 was talking with friends, at 26 percent compared to 21 percent a decade earlier. In 1985, eating out was the second most favored activities and this figure sliped to one –third after 10 years. Interesting, talking with family is the same, indicated a reduce from 18% to 7% of total activities. Finally, in terms of other activities, the rate dropped to 4% from 1985 to 1995.
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Given
is two pie charts analyze favorite pleasure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of adult in Europe between 1985 and 1995.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph, a majority of Europe grownup
were interested
in watching TV in the period,
however
the rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a fall of 2% from 1985 to 1995. In 1985, nobody said that playing computer games was their favorite leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 1995
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
23 percent of Europe adults named this as the
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activity
that they enjoyed the most.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
more popular in 1995 was talking with friends, at 26 percent compared to 21 percent a decade earlier.

In 1985, eating out was the second most favored
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activities
and this figure
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "slipped", the past tense form of the verb 'slip'?
sliped
to one –third after 10 years. Interesting, talking with family is the same, indicated a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
from 18% to 7% of total activities.

Finally
, in terms of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, the rate dropped to 4% from 1985 to 1995.
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IELTS academic Pie chart Leisure activities in Europe.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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