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the bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

the bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007. yXPLV
As the graph shows how many hours per week adolescents take up doing certain tasks in Chester from 2002 to 2007. Overall, the rise of watching television was more and it was a popular activity among the other activities. Whereas bowling was the least favorite. Going to pubs or discos and shopping have increased through years. While doing sports and homework have decreased DVD was the only one which showed fluctuations.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours per week adolescents take up doing certain tasks in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

Overall
, the rise of watching television was more and it was a popular activity among the other activities.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
bowling was the least favorite. Going to pubs or discos and shopping have increased through years. While doing sports and homework have decreased DVD was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
fluctuations.
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IELTS academic the bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
71 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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