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As the graph shows how many hours per week adolescents take up doing certain tasks in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

As the graph shows how many hours per week adolescents take up doing certain tasks in Chester from 2002 to 2007. BJlL6
As the graph shows how many hours per week adolescents take up doing certain tasks in Chester from 2002 to 2007. Overall, the rise of watching television was more and it was a popular activity among the other activities. Whereas bowling was the least favourite. Going to pubs or discos and shopping have increased through years. While doing sports and homework have decreased DVD was the only one which showed fluctuations. Adolescents spent 25 hours in a week in the years 2002 and 2003 which increased to more than 35 hours by 2007. Going to pubs or discos and shopping have also gradually increased through the years from 5 to 15 hours and more. While teenagers occupied 10 hours for doing homework, the figure dropped down to 5 hours by 2007. Playing sports also has considerably decreased from 10 hours to less than 5 hours by 2007. Bowling was under 5 and it totally decreased to less than 4 by 2007. DVD’s have fluctuated through years from 10 to more than 15 and again to 10 hours by 2007.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week adolescents take up doing certain tasks in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

Overall
, the rise of watching television was more and it was a popular activity among the other activities.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
bowling was the least
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
. Going to pubs or discos and shopping have increased through years. While doing sports and homework have decreased DVD was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
fluctuations.

Adolescents spent 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in a week in the years 2002 and 2003 which increased to more than 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
by 2007. Going to pubs or discos and shopping have
also
gradually
increased through the years from 5 to 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and more.

While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
occupied 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for doing homework, the figure
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
to 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
by 2007. Playing sports
also
has
considerably
decreased from 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to less than 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
by 2007. Bowling was under 5 and it
totally
decreased to less than 4 by 2007. DVD’s have fluctuated through years from 10 to more than 15 and again to 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
by 2007.

IELTS academic As the graph shows how many hours per week adolescents take up doing certain tasks in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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