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The bar chart below shows the changing of home and international student between men and women. They are studying Computer Science at UK University from 2010 to 2012?

The bar chart below shows the changing of home and international student between men and women. They are studying Computer Science at UK University from 2010 to 2012? bbyLg
The bar chart above indicates the number of male and female students studying Computer Science at British University from 2010 to 2012. It is also shows where students come from; England of various countries all over the world. Not much to my surprise, the international students are less than home students (both men and women are counted). However, there was clear statistical growth in the later group from 2010 to 2012. Furthermore, a numerous females home students eventually overtook the number of males from the same group, reaching a high of 45 in 2012. In 2011, there are decrease in home male students from 40 to 24 - a different of 16 students. On the other hand, home female students rose from 30 to 44 - a different of 12 students. It is not similar to England students, a number of male students from overseas, climbing from 20 in 2010 to 39 in 2012. In overall, it is obvious to me that students have attention to sit through continuing education at the University after completing high shool.
The bar chart above indicates the number of male and female
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students
studying Computer Science at British University from 2010 to 2012. It is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
where
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from; England of various countries all over the world. Not much to my surprise, the international
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students
are less than home
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students
(both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
are counted
).
However
, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
statistical growth in the later group from 2010 to 2012.
Furthermore
, a numerous females home
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students
eventually
overtook the number of
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males
from the same group, reaching a high of 45 in 2012. In 2011, there are decrease in home male
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students
from 40 to 24
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a
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different
of 16
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students
.
On the other hand
, home female
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students
rose from 30 to 44
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
of 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. It is not similar to England
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students
, a number of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from overseas, climbing from 20 in 2010 to 39 in 2012. In
overall
, it is obvious to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have attention to sit through continuing education at the University after completing high
Possible spelling mistake found.
shool
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the changing of home and international student between men and women. They are studying Computer Science at UK University from 2010 to 2012?

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
177 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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