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describing the information shown in the two pie graphs

describing the information shown in the two pie graphs d5WY6
The pie graphs indicate the information of young people’s activities. There are two graphs which are cultural and leisure activities of boys and girls. In general, sports activities are the task which the children spending their time for the most. In home activities, boys usually playing computer games, whereas girls tend to reading instead. But listening to music is the task which percentage is the same. For boys’ graphs, 34% of computer games show that this is the most popular activity of them. In sports activities, the most trending sport is basketball for 26%, soccer is another choice which is 17%, but skateboarding is the lowest percentage which is 11%. Listening to music is even less choice for 10%, but reading have incredibly low percentage which is 2%. In girls graphs, The most popular sport is dancing for 27%, whereas others are netball and gymnastics for 15% and 11% respectively. Reading is more trending activity for girl than boys which is 21%. For computer games, this task still popular in girls for 16%. The lowest percentage of girls’ activity is listening to music for 10%, but same amount to the boys.
The pie
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graphs
indicate the information of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
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activities
. There are two
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graphs
which are cultural and leisure
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activities
of
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boys
and girls.

In general
,
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sports
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activities
are the task which the children spending their time for the most. In home
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activities
,
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boys
usually
playing computer games, whereas
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girls
tend to reading
instead
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
listening to music is the task which
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percentage
is the same.

For
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boys’
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graphs
, 34% of computer games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that this is the most popular
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activity
of them. In
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sports
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activities
, the most trending
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sport
is basketball for 26%, soccer is another choice which is 17%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
skateboarding is the lowest
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percentage
which is 11%. Listening to music is even less choice for 10%,
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but
reading have
incredibly
low
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percentage
which is 2%.

In
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girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graphs
, The most popular
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sport
is dancing for 27%, whereas others are netball and gymnastics for 15% and 11%
respectively
. Reading is more trending
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activity
for
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girl
than
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boys
which is 21%. For computer games, this task
still
popular in
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girls
for 16%. The lowest
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is listening to music for 10%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
same amount to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
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IELTS academic describing the information shown in the two pie graphs

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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