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graph depicts the data pertaining to proportion of old populace in three different nations named by Canada, German, UK in year 1980, 2000 and 2030.

graph depicts the data pertaining to proportion of old populace in three different nations named by Canada, German, UK in year 1980, 2000 and 2030. mWjj1
graph depicts the data pertaining to proportion of old populace in three different nations named by Canada, German, UK in year 1980, 2000 and 2030. Overall, it is readily apparent that population figure of elderly citizens in three countries will be inclined in 2030 as compared to other years. Reporting the data in detailed view, the elderly people in German during 2000 was more than the year 1980 at 20%and 15% respectively. In contrast, it is anticipated that population of old people in 2030 will be a quarter. As regards Canada, minimum population of grey people was noticed by 1980, whereas in year 2000 it was surged to 5% and noticed nearly 15%. Strikingly, it is assumed that old population in 2030 will grow steadily to 22%. Moving to the rest of
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
graph
depicts the data pertaining to proportion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
populace in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations named by Canada, German, UK in year 1980, 2000 and 2030.

Overall
, it is
readily
apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
figure of elderly citizens in three countries will
be inclined
in 2030 as compared to other years.

Reporting the data in detailed view, the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in German during 2000 was more than the year 1980 at 20%and 15%
respectively
.
In contrast
, it
is anticipated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2030 will be a quarter. As regards Canada, minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was noticed
by 1980, whereas in year 2000 it
was surged
to 5% and noticed
nearly
15%.
Strikingly
, it
is assumed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in 2030 will grow
steadily
to 22%.

Moving to the rest of
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IELTS academic graph depicts the data pertaining to proportion of old populace in three different nations named by Canada, German, UK in year 1980, 2000 and 2030.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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