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The bar chart below show the participation of teenagers in selected leisure activities in Canada

The bar chart below show the participation of teenagers in selected leisure activities in Canada XDMPg
The given bar chart illustrates different activities that Canadian teenager boys and girls love to take part during their free time. The activities are categorised in in four different pursuits. (Sports, Computer games, music and shopping. ) Overall, it can be seen that, boys outnumber the girls in most of the activities except music in which involvement of both the genders are same. Looking at the details, shopping is the far most popular activity among boys which is near about 35% as compared to girls which stand at 5%. However, music on the other hand preferred by both genders at equal ratio. Focusing on sports, the number of boys participation is higher than girls by the ratio of five to two. As far as computer games are concerned, less than a fifith girls love to play during their leisure time in comparison of males, though the difference between two is approximately 4%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
during their free time. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'categorised' is British English.
categorised
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pursuits. (Sports, Computer games, music and shopping.
Loose punctuation mark.
)


Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that,
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boys
outnumber the
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girls
in most of the
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activities
except music in which involvement of both the genders are same.

Looking at the
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details
, shopping is the far most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
which is near about 35% as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
which stand at 5%.
However
, music
on the other hand
preferred by both genders at equal ratio.

Focusing on sports, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
participation is higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
by the ratio of five to two. As far as computer games
are concerned
, less than a
Possible spelling mistake found.
fifith
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play during their leisure time
in comparison
of males, though the difference between two is approximately 4%.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below show the participation of teenagers in selected leisure activities in Canada

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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