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The bar chart below show the number of men and women studying engineering at Australia universities .

The bar chart below show the number of men and women studying engineering at Australia universities. 0nAMO
The bar chart illustrates the number of male and female learning engineering at Australian institutes. The data gives three different years 1992, 2002 and 2012. Overall, it can be seen that the number of male students declined slightly from 1992 to 2012. While female students increased during this period. According to chart, in 1992, the 14000 highest number of male students studying in Australia universities. However the number of female students was lowest level position and starting at 2000 in year 1992. Then after, The number of men pupils decreased steadily in year 2000 and 2012, and both the year the same number of 12000 students studying engineering at Australia universities. Interestingly, the number of woman pupils increased in year 2002 and 2012, also it was reached up to 4000 in year 2002 and 6000 in year 2012 number of students studying engineering in Australia institutes.
The bar chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and female learning engineering at Australian institutes. The data gives three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years 1992, 2002 and 2012.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
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number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
declined
slightly
from 1992 to 2012.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
female
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students
increased during this period. According to chart, in 1992, the 14000 highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying in Australia universities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
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number
of female
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students
was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
level position and starting at 2000 in
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year
1992. Then after, The
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
pupils decreased
steadily
in
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year
2000 and 2012, and both the
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year
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of 12000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying engineering at Australia universities.
Interestingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of woman pupils increased in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2002 and 2012,
also
it
was reached
up to 4000 in
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year
2002 and 6000 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2012
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying engineering in Australia institutes.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below show the number of men and women studying engineering at Australia universities.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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